Deciding Fate
by Lyon Falenas
Summary: Post Suiko III: Sasarai never had any reason to question the order of things in Crystal Valley before the incident with Luc. Finding he has changed, he increasingly finds himself at odds with a hierarchy that has been stagnant for centuries.
1. Changing Views

_Disclaimer: Konami owns Suikoden. I merely make adaptations for the sake of honing my terrible writing skills._

_Basically post Suikoden III scenario with a focus on Sasarai and Harmonia. Basically it always appeared that the third game served as a big setup for doing something with this country and with enough time passing I figured to give my shot at this. This one is going to be a bit on the lengthly side and I do not know with what frequency I can maintain such updates due to school. I am also looking for someone who is willing to beta this thing and catch my stupid errors and make sure I keep the story moving in a logical manner. My profile has contact means. _

_Oh and please point out when my writing sucks or makes no sense. Seriously... I gain more from someone who is honest more than a mere comment on liking it. _

**Chapter 1: Changing Views**

Soft scratching noises came from the desk as the ink dipped quill etched the formal writings of a political document. It would grant the conquered city of Lebuque second class status for their involvement in the most recent war. That was the major purpose with a handful of minor additions concerning additional territories to appease the politicians who remained reluctant to the concept of freeing such a city so soon after its assimilation. To them fifty years was far too soon despite how their actions prevented complete disaster.

Sighing, Sasarai rested the quill into the inkwell, slowly flexing his cramped fingers. Over fifty years seemed like such a long time; in actuality longer than many humans lived. Yet in Crystal Valley and according to Harmonian standards, the length of time was minute. The other bishops and various members of the political elite had not witnessed how useful the mantor trainers were as allies and that the best way to maintain control of territories was not through force but through inclusion.

The aftermath of the war seemed to have several indirect repercussions on the third class territories. Having heard of the 'failure' to bring control to the grasslands and the confusion concerning the masked bishop, several towns had recently staged uprisings to overthrow their status. Several units of the army had been dispatched to such locations and the young looking mage feared what was likely to be a violent outcome.

Sasarai had never been a large advocate of violence, opting for peaceful negotiations whenever possible. He had seen war several times in his short span of life and saw little glory in the destruction it brought. It was easy for those who sat in cozy rooms all day to draw out strategies and handpick favorite territories to venture into. However, easy quickly becomes foolish in that Harmonia was hardly the stable homogeneous mass that was projected on the world. Recent decades had made many territories difficult to control. Rather than engaging in more conquests, it was necessary to contain what as possible and alleviate the current social unrest.

But his recent position has drawn few friends. Most of those in power in Harmonia were reluctant to accept the need for a changing approach concerning conquered nations. His treaties concerning the grasslands following the second fire bringers' war deliberately made another movement into that region diplomatically difficult. The loss of the True Wind rune and the failure to retrieve the other elemental runes added to what was seen as a complete failure. Many of the bishops had questioned his recent motives with a few outright claiming disloyalty.

However, try as they might they didn't dare act on their displeasure with the situation. He outranked nearly anybody in Harmonia, with only orders from Hikusaak trumping his ambitions. The rune on his right hand also allowed some protection as few would act out physically against him in fear of their own life or knowing the consequences of being responsible for the loss of the True Earth rune in the case of an assassination. It was not the most ideal means of protection but Sasarai welcomed what he had.

Green eyes turned toward the faint outlines of the rune embedded just under his skin. He had always considered the object as both a blessing and a curse. Many of the runes seemed to carry its own significant burden that was unique to its character. It was known that the Rune of Punishment was the most unwieldy of runes due to its tendency to drain the life of its user bringing death within a few months or years. On the contrary, the Rune of Life and Death had been nicknamed the Soul Eater as death seemed to stalk bearers of that rune. Bearers of the two components of the Rune of the Beginning seemed destined to face off together as countless historical records show. The elemental runes lacked such a distinct fate but instead was representative of unbridled power. The loss of control could bring massive destruction on a large area.

His own rune was a constant reminder of how a bearer could affect the outcome. If used in a certain manner, it was possible to level a city within minutes with a massive earthquake. However, it also offered great protective abilities that had become the magician's focus. Combined with his strong ability with water magic, it often prevented the massive casualties associated with battle. Their relationship was much more complex in warfare than merely destruction.

It had been the power of the runes that had prevented a calamity that would have endangered not just a country but a continent. It could also bring an end to a conflict quickly and minimize the casualties as opposed to a long and drawn out affair. Sometimes ending the battle quickly was the best way to prevent loss. History could be looked at as examples of both the best and worst aspects of the runes.

History was a tool that could be used to find our a variety of things, wedged between yellowed pages in continuously aging binding. Of course, there was no record in any books to depict the situation behind his own birth and that of his brother. Piles of books were stacked in his personal study, wedged between various unimportant papers and neglected documents with the hope of understanding why or how he had come to exist. Even the dustiest corners of the most classified library deposits offered no clues.

The need to explain his existence had become of the utmost importance. Ever since the information was revealed that he was indeed a clone of Hikusaak rather than derived from a proper mother and father, Sasarai had felt the need to investigate his brother's claims. Certainly there had to be some within the temple who did know the truth. Was he truly human? Was there more of a reason to his existence than simply holding his rune?

When he was young, he had often imagined what it was like to have a true family. He wanted to believe that his parents had simply died at some point an would have been proud to see their son accomplish what he had. How he wished that he had known about his brother under different circumstances. It was with Luc's death that all illusions of family had left him.

A firm knock on his door prompted the bishop to draw his attention away form his thoughts. Clearing his voice quickly, he responded, "Come in."

Dios entered, his uniform immaculate as usual and as Sasarai was glad to note, lacking a new stack of the paperwork he dreaded so much. "What brings you here Dios? I thought you were taking a holiday to be with your family."

After the majority of the paperwork resolving the recent conflict had been completed, Sasarai had insisted that his assistant took some time off to pay proper attention to his wife and young child. Dios was a hard worker and stubborn and thus had to be ordered to accept such a gift before everything had been resolved. It wasn't until he was threatened with reassignment that he finally relented.

"Don't worry, I am not coming back to work just yet, " Dios said, approaching the desk, "The missus just fell behind on laundry and this was all I had left to wear."

Nodding, Sasarai responded, "Ah," not quite sure if he ought to believe the explanation.

"Have you finished the treaty concerning Lebuque yet?" the tall man asked.

The bishop shook his head in the negative, "Not quite. It is nearly complete but I know that I need to add in some benefits to get it accepted. I've pulled rank enough in the past couple months that everyone is already upset enough."

"You look terrible." Dios commented bluntly. He was never a person who held back his opinions and his tongue was always ready with a sharp comment. "You haven't been sleeping properly again."

Dios was right. Ever since her had returned to Crystal Valley, Sasarai had struggled between his research and nightmares that caused many sleepless nights. Even having a body that was eternally kept in its prime did little after weeks of exhaustion. Sasarai was certain that his eyes were puffy and most likely slightly dark and that his posture was slumped, his back having given up on holding his weight properly hours ago. Despite knowing this, he simply lifted his quill once again to resume his task. There was far too much pride to admit his recent issues.

Before another word could be written; however, a swift movement of the hand knocked the stained feather away, it simply tumbling to the ground and leaving a small dark stain on the plush carpeting. "Enough. True rune bearer or not you need to take care care of yourself. What do you prove acting this way anyway?"

"What does it matter? If this gets done.."

"You will just busy yourself with some other project, " Dios interrupted, his voice taking the slight turn from sharp concern to annoyance, "Ever since we've returned from the Grasslands my lord you have acted differently."

By now, the tall blond man had laid a hand along his boss and friend's shoulder, and Sasarai immediately knew it was pointless to ignore the conversations and retrieve the writing utensil before it made a larger mess. It would hardly be the first stain he had made in his office. "I know. Just let me deal with it my own way."

Dios gripped the shoulder a bit more firmly, "By killing yourself? What do you have to prove by this anyway? Unless your goal has been to usurp virtually every other member of the clergy, you've merely made things more troublesome for yourself."

"Tell me Dios..." Sasarai said softly, his voice trailing off as he obtained his companion's attention, "Would you want your son sent out into a war just because someone gave some vague reason? Or knowing that there are kids who don't have parents anymore because of some aristocratic game?"

"No..." Dios admitted, "What prompted this demeanor all of a sudden. You're never this serious about anything." he said, making note of the bishop's occasional immature tendencies. In many ways it was easy to forget that the brunette was actually older than he was. Most matters were taken in a somewhat lighthearted manner and it was seldom that the boy was depressed. It seemed like a much different person before him at this moment, ever since the incident with the masked bishop that was never spoken about.

Sasarai remained silent for a moment, clearly forming the words in his head. He wanted so badly to explain how he felt yet was uncertain how much was true nor what explanation could be given that would make sense. "It started with the Grassland children. Particularly with the Karaya clan. So many of them had lost their parents when they were young. I guess it struck a chord considering I never did have parents either."

"If I may ask what happened to them?" It was known that Sasarai lacked family. Dios had never pressed very far into the matter.

The response was a shrug, "I don't know. I was told that they had died when I was too young to remember. But... with my brother... some of the things he said. I really don't know." Words escaped him beyond this point.

"And working yourself like this is going to do what exactly?"

"I honestly don't know. Maybe make things right," came the response, "even if it seems silly."

Knowing he was in a losing battle Dios decided to give up pressuring Sasarai. His stubborn nature had not changed and he was not about to concede to the wishes of many that he would revert to his normal behavior and to drop his recent idealistic slant. "Fine. I know you made an agreement to work with LeBuque, but after you finish you should take the same advice you gave me. Take a vacation and go as far away from Crystal Valley as you can for several weeks. And for goodness sake, get some rest. You are human after all."

Brushing the hand away finally, Sasarai stood, and reached for his forgotten quill, ignoring the now drying ink spot where it had dropped. "It might not be a bad idea actually. I haven't left Harmonia outside of official matters in a long time now..." he stated pausing to count the years in his head, "Over a decade actually."

"It will also give your maids the opportunity to clean up the mess you made about yourself," Dios added, pointing at the disarray of the room. Used teacups were stacked awkwardly on the desk and on a couple shelves of a bookcase, threatening to topple at the slightest movement. Books had been scattered about, either closed with a marker to a specific page or laid out open. The bishop was known to be disorganized and sloppy; one of Dios' duties was to attempt to make sense out of such matters, which more often than not was pieced together from several sections done at various sittings. His boss was intelligent but lacked even the most basic domestic skills. However, despite this, it looked as though the maids who typically tidied up the mess around him had not touched the room in days. And it wasn't as though Sasarai was about to learn domestic chores.

Taking a glance around, Sasarai shrugged, not bothered by the chaos. He understood his own personal mess even if nobody else did. "I asked the maids to take a brief holiday as well so I could get work done. They always put away things I need and then I cannot find it again." The last time they had been in the room, some documents dating back to the Harmonian treaties with the grasslands following the first Fire Bringers' war had been returned to one of the libraries, resulting in a day of searching.

"Only you would consider a bookshelf a strange place for books."

Dios couldn't help the comment, it having slipped out of his mouth without much thought. Such actions had made him difficult to place with other units and it was only Sasarai's easygoing nature that allowed the two to coexist. As much as he had changed, his boss still had kept some of his habits. It was relieving in a way but nonetheless still as annoying as it had ever been. When he returned to his official duties, Dios knew that he was in for a long ordeal.

Noticing the reaction, Sasarai gave a small smile, "Maybe one day I'll get a bit better at this."

"No, it's pretty much pointless now. Besides it keeps my job stable."

A small chuckle escaped the man. "True enough. But thank you for your concern. Just give me time to complete this and I will do it." Sasarai said. "But go home to your wife. She'll write another letter complaining about how I keep you until dinner is cold every night."

"She does that?"

"From time to time."

Bowing slightly, Dios gave his farewell before leaving, "Please take care my lord. If you have need for me do not hesitate."

"Farewell. Please give your wife my regards." Sasarai mentioned as Dios walked out the door he had entered earlier, the polished hardwood door closing with a soft sound.

Turning toward the window, Sasarai observed the sun setting over Crystal Valley. The multiple hills that formed the outskirts of the city offered him a full view of much of the city from his office in the temple. The day had been slightly cloudy, causing the current rainbow of colors before him. The soft yellow glow of the lamps were starting to be seen from the homes of the citizens. Soon the street lamps would also illuminate the city.

There had been many occasions in which he had wanted to venture about the city and through the world. Official trips were as the name suggested. It involved meeting specific politicians or conducting some task in battle. Even the city was considered off limits except when accompanied by an entourage of guards. "Go on vacation and see the world huh?" he muttered to himself.

For years he had hardly seen his situation as anything but normal. Raised from birth with the rune, he had reason to be protected and sheltered. Now, ever since the information from his brother had shaken him, it seemed as though Crystal Valley and the temple were merely gilded cages, only opened when the master wished to be entertained. Seeing the world without being forced to partake in expansion maneuvers had been something that was always alluring, as the days went by it seemed as though that longing had become a need. If only for a little while perhaps he could escape and see what truly existed in the world.

And admittedly he was curious about how average people spent their days. At Budehuc Castle he had been put in the middle of a group of people that varied so greatly. On the battlefield there were only coarse soldiers and the officers barking orders. At that small dilapidated castle though, it was fascinating to witness how casual and laid back everything was. 

Maybe he would return there when things were done.

Glancing back at his desk, he walked toward it, avoiding one of the books that had references to the promotion of third class nations through the years. Without returning to the cushioned seat, his eyes browses the document he was writing one last time. It was as good as complete. Even with minor adaptations it would be difficult to convince others to agree to such terms. He could only help that some of the contingencies added combined with their role in preventing Luc's actions would convince the other clergy to agree.

The sky was now starting to darken a bit, and the room was quickly losing it's light source. An oil lamp was situated at one corner of the desk for the long nights but Sasarai did not light it, observing the ever darkening shadows. Tomorrow he would potentially end all respect he held amongst the temple clergy for a single village and only hope that by this some necessary change would come.


	2. Political Suicide

_Disclaimer: Same as before... no claims to Suikoden, and I am still an atrocious writer. It is why my education and career are toward the sciences._

_And for notes... this time I do get more things going on. Originally the first two chapters were actually a single piece, but was separated due to the length as many people are a bit adverse to incredibly long segments at once on the internet and there was a breaking point. A lot of political shenanigans, which is a major focus of the first half of this story. _

_And offer still stands for anybody who wants to poke me and make sure keep on track with this story. And for the reviewer asking on the lack of reference to the sun rune... trust me there will be lots of references to all the games. However, to fit every rune's situation into a single paragraph is quite cumbersome and unnecessary. It was meant to make a point rather than to toss random references around. _

**Chapter 2: Political Suicide**

"What is the meaning of this nonsense? LeBuque of all places?" an old man said after firmly slamming a closed fist on the wood table, several bishops sitting near him grabbing their drinks to avoid spilling on their robes.

"The village was invaluable in halting the masked bishop in the grasslands. The mantor trainers are of great use militarily. Our forces are weak in the air and it is advantageous to award them second class citizenship. It is certainly not unheard of for such provisions to be granted under circumstances."

Sasarai stood before the table of bishops, in the most formal outfit that was reserved for major diplomatic meetings. He hated the thing as it was heavy cumbersome and required the assistance of two maids to attach the layers. In addition it made him hot, and he was sweating enough to feel gross and uncomfortable.

Even more uncomfortable were the glares that were given by virtually every person before him. They were displeased to say the least despite the minor amendments made to soften the impact and to offer some means of discussion. A half an hour into the meeting and already Sasarai was beginning to regret such insubordination.

A middle aged man, contemplated for a moment, scratching his bearded chin for a moment. "But there is the concern of loyalty in that particular village. Especially with its proximity to the grasslands the people there have been difficult to fully integrate."

It was a very valid point, and one that Sasarai knew he had to address, "Rominus, I do understand your concern and I do agree that there are divisions amongst the people concerning allegiance to Harmonia and Lord Hikusaak, but I saw the conditions they live in. How can we expect people who are on the brink of starvation to be loyal to us? Second class citizenship would open trade routes and improve the living conditions there. The people will be more likely to be loyal to Harmonia if they are treated well."

Yet another older man shook his head, what remained of his silver hair swaying gently. "We cannot simply allow nations that opposed us to gain acceptance so easily. It only opens the opportunity for rebellion."

Sasarai's mouth dropped open in disbelief at the comment. Were they truly so delusional as to believe that the iron fisted rule implemented for over four hundred years was going to prevent a backlash against the temple? "Right now we already are seeing it! The fact remains that they outnumber us. If there was any organization to what is happening now, then we may be unable to defend ourselves!"

"It figures you'd ally with such barbarians, after all it's not like you're of proper Harmonian lineage anyway."

It was a personal attack in the worst possible way. He lacked the blond hair and blue eyes that were traits reserved as proper for members of the ruling class. As much as he tried to defy the assumptions made of him based on his unknown heritage, he still encountered prejudices from time to time. While he refused to acknowledge such a underhanded comment with a response, it stung and he couldn't help but bring his hand to his chest.

The men before him were sharp and saw this as a moment of weakness, "you use that rune on your hand to gain power. Just because for some reason you are favored by Lord Hikusaak does not mean that you truly hold any real authority. We've tolerated some of your recent views as simply those of a naïve child. But you actually thinking such idealistic legislation will amount to anything and usurp centuries of examples is too far."

"Then tell me a better way to prevent a civil war!"

The recent uprisings had been classified as isolated incidents. Sasarai's outburst was the first time in which the conflicts had been associated with a civil war or anything approaching one. The use of the term caused all seated to go silent, lost in thought. 

Eventually a younger man, a recently appointed bishop, spoke up, "Is it truly to that point is the question."

Sasarai was pleased to hear a reasonable voice. This bishop, Tamil, focused particularly in matters concerning international relations and Sasarai found was often much more open to negotiations as opposed to the majority who took a hardliner approach toward politics. They were quick to use military might to subdue any opposition rather than communication and tact. It could have been his youth or it could have been the fact that despite being from a first class family, he hailed from academia rather than the several families from which many of the clergy came from. Sasarai had hoped that he could coax him at the very least to listen to his views.

"I have not been on the field but have read the reports. Sasarai, do you honestly believe that is the direction we are heading in?"

Nodding, Sasarai agreed, standing from his seat and walking slightly. His legs were cramping and it would hopefully get the rest to take his words seriously.

"We only see things in Crystal Valley most of the time. The fact remains that our reputation not just with our outlying territories but also with other nations is damaged. We have mostly squandered all good faith by over expansion. We've forgotten about so many of these territories that they hardly are under our control. The lives of many of our citizens are wretched. Malcontent breeds the overthrow of governments. That is how Harmonia was established to begin with is it not?"

"And do you believe that LeBuque is important to suppressing this? It's small and out of the way." Tamil asked, a slight hint of skepticism in his voice, but his eyes indicating he was willing to listen to the situation.

Taking a moment to formulate his thoughts, Sasarai attempted to make a case for his reasoning. "While it is true that LeBuque itself is small, it is quite unique. Their proximity to the grasslands means that they still view themselves as such. That alone creates a unique tension when we consider the fact that they are a unique military force. I doubt that this alone will have much impact but I do believe that we need to rethink how third class territories are treated. But realistically it needs to be considered one place at a time and LeBuque is a good starting place considering the difficulty and also their service in the recent conflict."

"Nonsense!" came the voice of another man, close in age to Sasarai and having been quiet up until this point. "This is a mockery! Sasarai, you are saying that everything we have done is wrong, yet the fact remains that this nation is the most prosperous and powerful in the world."

Sighing, Sasarai rethought how he was going to present the situation to avoid seeming as though he wanted a revolution. He knew better than to attempt for something that drastic, and he did love Harmonia as it was his home. "Please understand that is not my intent at all Johan. I do love my country and have pledged my allegiance to Lord Hikusaak. My point only is that what has worked in the past is not as effective anymore and a change in direction is simply necessary."

A man stood up, long curly blond hair pulled behind his neck and his uniform impeccably neat. He also had remained silent throughout the meeting and simply took in the words from both sides. Bishop Norton rarely spoke, and often served as a peacemaker for the various disagreements that occurred when legislation turned brutal as the current topic was. It was his talent in calming attitudes that earned him the respect of every individual.

"I do believe that Sasarai does make a valid point. Only he and Darien frequently are sent on missions that require their involvement in these territories. Darien is unfortunately handling an uprising in the East and cannot speak on the matter. However, it may be the time for change to occur. Currently we are weak, and could very easily lose territory in the event of a large scale conflict. I am skeptical of the means and do agree that Sasarai as of late has been difficult to say the least, but without any other suggestions, it should be considered."

Rominus looked on and shook his head, "I am still not entirely confident. There's significant risk involved."

Nodding in agreement, Darien responded, his deep voice seeming to echo in the large room, "I do agree that there is risk, but compared to what we are seeing now, it may be better than the other option."

"I am worried as well, and I agree to take all responsibility should issues arise from this." Sasarai added, breathing deep as a meant to calm the rumbling in his stomach. The stress combined with his lack of sleep was starting to get to him physically.

Sighing, Tamil stated his agreement, "Well, considering that you are willing to take responsibility, and that you would be the likely candidate to be sent out in the event of another conflict, I will give my consent."

By now, sweat was starting to drip down Sasarai's face, and his hands were partially covering him as a means of hiding his current discomfort. While he was immune to common diseases, stress gave him infrequent stomachaches and when combined with the near suffocation he we enduring in the layers of his outfit, he was feeling quite unpleasant.

"And here we are caving in to this brat once again," was muttered softly, just loud enough to be heard. It was the same Bishop who had initially called brought up Sasarai's questionable heritage.

Tamil shook his head, then quickly reached up for the large hat. As he was the youngest and had only been appointed to his position recently, he was still unaccustomed to the balance required to prevent the large headdress from sliding off his face. "I suppose that I can give my tentative support. However I would like to speak with Sasarai concerning certain matters. But we have been at one another's throats for long enough today. Shall we break for now and return to other matters later in the day?"

For once something all parties could agree with. Seldom could they all be convinced to get together for more than a couple hours on end without distractions arising or a conflict placing everybody in a good mood. Not one person felt pleasant in this moment and they quickly adjourned for the time. A messenger would pass along the time at which they would meet again to take up more concerns.

Sasarai got not more than 10 feet from the meeting room before he leaned against the wall, sliding the the floor and his hat falling from his head and tumbling a few feet before coming to a stop. The sun poured in through a large window, creating a glare that made him want to turn away.

Noticing his companion, Tamil made his way toward Sasarai. "So you've decided to wait for the next meeting on the floor?"

Despite that he currently felt as though his stomach was about to churn up his meager breakfast and he was about to burst into tears, the brunette chuckled. Tamil was one of the few of his companions who he considered a friend, having tutored him in rune magic when he was still in training. One of the major things they agreed upon was that despite their differences in opinion on certain topics that they would never let it be personal.

"Come, on do you need me to carry you back to your office or something?" he asked.

Pulling himself up, Sasarai refused, "No you only get that honor when I've drunk myself to incoherence." he retorted. He still leaned heavily on the wall and his stomach still rebelled greatly. 

Tamil sighed and took the small bishop next to him, letting his own to be used for balance. He was a very tall man with broad shoulders, so his friend hardly hindered his movement as they walked, an arm protectively over the shoulder of the short man.

"You really ought to try to avoid angering anybody for awhile after this one you know." Tamil finally stated as he approached his destination, "I honestly have no clue what you are planning currently."

"Do you really have that little faith in my judgment?"

Having reached the door finally, Tamil reached for the door, his brow raising somewhat as Sasarai hunched over. "I'd say I only went along with this silly crusade of yours because I trust your judgment but considering you're pretty much making yourself sick, I have to question if you haven't simply lost your mind."

Stumbling into the door, Sasarai quickly found a place to lie down between piles of books. "I think I am losing my mind.."

"I don't know what happened on your last mission, but maybe you should get away for awhile. At your rate you are going to not just commit political suicide but also lose whatever sanity you have left."

Groaning, Sasarai replied, "You sound like Dios."

"Well, then you have a good advisor then," Tamil stated, "although I am going to head back to my office and prepare for some of the other bills. Do you want me to make an excuse for you to not make it?"

The thought was tempting. He was hardly wishing to return to an afternoon session that would likely be less eventful but hardly calming on his nerves. "Please, just say that I've been unable to sleep well lately and apologize on my behalf if you will for earlier." It wasn't a lie and would perhaps explain some of his insubordination to his colleagues. He welcomed anything that would soften the blow of this morning because even if he did think he was right, the fact remained that he had to work with these people and the last thing he needed was a hot blooded rivalry from within the upper level clergy.

Agreeing to that Tamil also added, "And I am going to personally put in your request for a leave of absence. I'm sure Rominus and the rest will be glad to be rid of you for awhile with how you've been lately and it might get you back to your senses." He turned to head out of the door, nearly shutting it before he heard a soft phrase muttered.

"Thank you."

Sasarai remained in his position on the floor for a bit of time. Gradually the nausea passed as he settled down and at some point he managed to drift asleep, the sun offering warmth despite the cold winter day outside. The only noise in the room was the ticking of the old clock and the occasional loud conversation leaking past the walls.

It took some time as Sasarai drifted in and out of consciousness upon waking. He had no sense of the time spent on the floor. Gazing around him he focused a bit on the random messed that surrounded him, making him make a mental note to allow someone to come in and clean at long last. He was within arm's reach of at least two small piles of books and a used teacup that never made it back to the kitchens.

Finally sitting up, he stretched his back muscles, sore from the hard surface it was only somewhat accustomed to. The daylight still shone in the window indicating that not the entire day had passed. Initially Sasarai panicked at missing the afternoon meeting before remembering that Tamil had already covered his absence. Had it been urgent certainly someone would have fetched him.

Deciding to relax for the remainder of the day, he left the office and trudged past the hallway of offices reserved for the various bishops and headed down several flights of stairs to reach his personal quarters. Ever since his appointment at the age of fourteen, the youngest in Harmonian records, he had resided within the temple, rarely leaving except when on an assignment. Thus over the years he had become familiar enough with the building so that it was no longer intimidating in its size and he could navigate it blindly.

Reaching his door, he crept in quietly, met immediately by his two maids. "Welcome home Lord Sasarai." they said in near unison.

Nodding, he entered and settled himself in a large armchair that sat near a low laying table. "Alecia could you please prepare a bath?" he asked, to a tall girl with sandy brown hair and freckles along her nose and cheeks. When she hurried toward the bathroom, he then turned to the dark haired teenager who served as his other maid, "and if you could Lilian, please help me get out of this ridiculous outfit."

Smiling the girl obliged, taking hold of the outer layer and unfastening it where it connected to the underlying portions. "Do you really need to wear this? I can see why you hate it."

Smirking he let the young woman undress him, scarcely having the energy to lift his arms as needed to untangle himself from the complicated robes. "I rather not, but that is just how things are."

Concentrating, Lilian did not speak until the last layer came off and her employer only had his pants on. She was not fazed with this aspect of her job having been placed under the bishop as young girl after being taken from her family as a small child. It was a way to assimilate children of third class regions into Harmonian society to establish loyalty. Now she hardly remembered her home nor her parents.

"Ah, thank you," Sasarai said, finally reasonably comfortable. "I'd be lost without you."

Nodding she could only smile sadly. "I heard what you are trying to do... to make things better for the third class people."

It was not a topic that Sasarai wanted to go into in any depth. He wondered where she had heard it mentioned considering he rarely if ever brought his work home with him sheerly out of principle. He could only guess that it was mentioned through Dios or another assistant who may have dropped by his quarters to see him. "Yeah, although I think I made a lot of enemies in the process. I'm half expecting someone from the Howling Voice Guild to come after me at this point."

"I..." the girl said, stumbling over her words, "I think it's a good thing. I'm sure others do too."

Normally a girl of her age would be returned to her hometown, to live a life after a Harmonian upbringing. He had fought to keep her a bit longer than most if only because he was accustomed to her and over the years had become a rare trusted person. "You know, that's the best thing I have heard in the past week."

His eyes widened and she started pointing around the room, which was strangely immaculate. Of course him having been away for a couple months and even upon his return mostly sleeping in his office rather than his bed made it possible for them to tidy every corner and for once leave things spotless. "Well, I've seen that you kept yourself busy while I was way," Sasarai remarked. Typically his room was as bad as his office.

"Let's see how long it lasts if you are here." she said.

"Yeah, I know." Sasarai said, closing his eyes and relaxing as he waited for the bath to be prepared. Lillian scurried off to take care of something and it took a bit of time before Alecia returned, "Uh... sir," she said, waiting for her master's eyes to open and acknowledge her, "It... it's ready."

Reluctantly pulling himself from his seat, Sasarai stood and slowly made his way to his personal bathroom. Ignoring when Alecia bowed as he passed her. She had been instructed upon being placed to be mindful of manners and to always address her master formally. It didn't matter how many times he asked for her to not be so concerned about it. Of course she was still quite young, only eight years old, and very obviously scared of the people in the temple. Perhaps one day she would come out of her shell as Lilian had.

Quickly the pants came off and he scrubbed his body down quickly before dipping into the almost too warm bathwater. Submerging himself up to the neck, the tension of his muscles released and his body slumped in full relaxation. Baths were a wonderful thing, a luxury he hardly had when he was out on a mission with a unit of troops.

He had been grateful for Budehuc for that reason... the bath there was large and comfortable. He had once nearly fallen asleep if the other occupants had not prevented it. Bathing with other people was such a new experience for him as with so many people in a small place at virtually every hour of the day someone was using it be it lizard, human, duck or even the occasional attempt to sneak a white dragon in. At first it was a bit awkward but by the time he left to return home he had come to enjoy some of the conversations that were had between the various inhabitants. Upon returning to the temple, the solitude was enough to make him feel a bit lonely.

Nearly everyone addressed him as 'sir' or 'lord'. When he was younger he was always reprimanded for his casual approach to those of lower status, saying it was improper for someone in his position. He was forced to maintain a certain distance from other people. Hardly anybody would so much as touch him unless it was necessary.

It only hurt more to see the people his age, some of whom he had known since he was young, get into relations and have children. As much as Nash complained about his wife's quirks he at least had someone who could greet him at the end of a day with a kiss and a night in bed. Physical relations with women were forbidden entirely for him. He was only told about that when he was nearing the end of his schooling and had shown interest in a classmate he had studied with. It was a crushing blow for him as a teenager. Years of remaining aloof to avoid growing close to anybody was taking its toll. He'd pushed that nagging in his heart aside on the basis that what he did was important and truly good work for the people of Harmonia.

The situation with legislating hardly did anything to bolster his faith in what he was doing. Sasarai had never been quite so adamant about any particular agenda being passed. Perhaps it was his own way of rebelling against the lies that made up his life. Or perhaps it was his conscience telling him that he was willing to throw it all away at this point.

Angrily slashing at the surface of the water, a small wave splashing beyond the wooden boundaries of the bathtub, the brunette was fighting tears. He wanted an answer. Frustrated, he let out a soft sob, the pent up emotions of the past months getting the better of him. Everyone was correct, he had to leave if only for a short period of time. Maybe then he could sort out his troubled feelings. It was no longer a desire but a need. He could not stay as he was now.

Finally controlling himself, Sasarai emerged from the bathtub, reaching for the towel that had been laid out for him next to a set of comfortable clothing. First the towel was used to wipe his eyes. Feeling somewhat better, he proceeded to dry the rest of this body before pulling on his fresh garments. Simple shirts and pants were a blessing when he was alone, as there was no need to be in uniform or in ornate formal wear.

Emerging from the bathroom, he allowed both maids to proceed inside to take care of any cleaning. "Don't worry about making everything perfect. We all know that it'll just get destroyed anyway. Just try to not be too loud. I am going to sleep for a bit. And for god's sake if Nash comes, tell him to come back later. He doesn't need to know where I am," he paused, "actually that should fit for everyone. I don't feel like being bothered tonight."

He was already halfway across his apartment when he heard the sound of the girls acknowledging the orders given. As he entered his bedroom, simply decorated and spacious, Sasarai almost immediately flopped onto the bed, crawling under the fresh sheets and blankets that had been laid out for him. Despite his nap earlier, Sasarai was drained, both physically and mentally. No more than a few minutes after his head hit the pillow, the green eyes closed and sleep was allowed to come.


	3. Saving Grace

_Disclaimer: SuikodenKonami. I am not. _

Well, the political infighting takes a backseat for a bit. Jeeze is it hard to do. I'm trying to imagine different viewpoints that could be had and also trying to make them understandable and even have some individuals who are reasonable. I hate black and white characters so tried to avoid painting everything the same color more or less. This is going to take awhile... no doubt in my mind on that. School can be blamed for my slowness in updating. 

**Saving Grace**

Cured meat was a blessing on nights when no town was in sight. It was Sasarai's own fault as he had ventured off the marked roads for several hours to go exploring. He decided it wasn't too bad, however as he had traveled far south enough to escape the brutal climate of much of Harmonia and the night was slightly cool without being cold. Sitting at the campfire, he stumbled over to his horse, utterly exhausted and slowly grazing on some grass. 

Tossing the meat into the small pot situated over the fire, he made his way toward the small cart with which he carried essentials. He had picked up some vegetables in the last town on the previous day and decided to add them to the stew he was making. It was well known that he had no talent at cooking. He quickly found out that if he tossed some water, meat and vegetables into a pot and let it boil it was easy to produce something edible. A few attempts had taught him combinations that were absolutely wretched and so over the past two weeks of travel the consistency of his cooking had improved. It was nothing complex by any means and not what he was used to when at home, but he did take a little pride at such improvement.

After depositing some carrots and a couple small potatoes along with the meat, he sat down and stared at the fire smirking, "I'm sure everyone back home would be surprised by this," he muttered to himself. When he had insisted on leaving alone, he had prompted the concern and admonishment of nearly everyone he knew. Sasarai knew that the idea was truly foolish, but it only made it more appealing after years of being sheltered.

The events with Dios in particular replayed through his mind.

"_Alone? Are you sure that is wise?" Dios said, concerned at what had been proposed to him. Not only was it nearly unheard of for bishops to leave the temple unaccompanied by some form of protection, but the fact was there was question as to how well he could take care of himself. Intellect didn't always mean self-reliance. The Bishop leaned greatly toward the former and entirely lacking of the latter; in fact, there had been few of any occasions in which Sasarai had ever had the need or desire to take care of himself._

_Sasarai walked past him, casually making his way to one of his office bookshelves before commenting, "I can handle myself if something attacks me. It's not like I'm THAT fragile, Dios."_

_Putting his head on his forehead, Dios sighed audibly. That was the least of his concerns. If trouble arose, the rune would put a quick end to just about any conflict. It was everything else that made this a bad idea. "Yes but what about day to day things? You'll be on your own. With all due respect sir, it's not your strength by any means."_

"_It's about time I learned then."_

_It was one thing to attempt to improve oneself. Under any other circumstances it would have been a_ _welcome sign that the disorganized, messy bishop was aiming to change certain habits that had developed over the years. Him leaving was most likely for the best, but how he was doing it was absolutely foolish._

_Slightly gritting his teeth, Dios said, "If you are really that eager to kill yourself, I'll just lend you my sword and it'll be quicker."_

_Had it been anybody else, Dios knew that he would have been fired, possibly jailed and certainly any career he had in the Harmonian military ended for good. Instead he had the good fortune of a bishop who not only understood his dry sense of humor but found humor in some of the most inappropriate situations. So thus, the brunette doubled over slightly, laughing unabashedly. _

_Collecting himself after a moment, he had to stifle a chuckle before he responded, "You know, I never really thought of it that way. Leave it to you to come up with the worst things."_

"_And for you to be amused by it."_

"_True, but I needed it. It has been a long few months," Sasarai said, his voice trailing off. "That's why I need to do it this way. Just don't question me this time. Everything will be fine I think. And besides, I need you here to keep an ear out for anything happening."_

_Giving a sigh of defeat, Dios caved in. His boss was relentless when he insisted on something and it was best in those situations to let him have his way and hope for the best. "Just don't do anything too reckless. It would be annoying to get reassigned because you poisoned yourself or got lost wherever you plan on going."_

_Most of the time Dios tried to hide his concern with sarcasm and harsh remarks. However, Sasarai could tell that his subordinate was truly concerned. "You're a good friend, Dios. Don't worry too much though. I'll be back in a month or two. Hopefully it will get me out of this mood I've been in."_

"_Well, it's not like I can stop you," he replied, "and maybe you are right. It might be a good thing in the long run. Of course who knows what goes through your head at times."_

_There were times where he had wanted to speak about things to Dios, or anybody for that matter. He had been alone with Luc when the revelation had been brought to him and his rune stolen. Not a living soul now knew of that event or why it shook the usually confident bishop so badly. On one occasion he had pondered asking Hikusaak himself. But he inevitably stopped himself. Even now he opened his mouth to start but stopped. He remained unable to bring himself to confide his complicated situation as it simply left him lost for words. Instead he settled on giving a normal farewell, forcing a smile on his face, "well, goodbye Dios. Just take care."_

The first few days on the road had seemed lonely and made Sasarai almost wish he had taken someone along with him. Once out of Crystal Valley, he wasn't sure how to handle himself. He would pass by towns and stay in the local inn, but hardly interacted with the people. It was strange how he could give a speech to thousands of people or convince the highly divided members of the clergy to go along with a scheme, yet around normal people he clammed up, unable to start a conversation.

In Budehuc, the same had happened. He had expected a good deal of hostility due to his position within the enemy ranks, yet there had been very little. In fact there had been more curiosity than anything else, particularly with the children. They peeked into the small room he had inhabited and eventually started asking questions as children are prone to do. They wanted to know everything about him simply because of the 'exotic' aspect of someone from so far away as reflected in the uniforms and what apparently was considered a strange accent. All he could do was to attempt to answer them, stumbling in such a way to make it understandable for them. It was a drastic change from his usual interactions with intellectuals and those of noteworthy rank. For some reason it made him uncomfortable as Sasarai had little experience in such matters. Children much less commoner children were well beyond his realm of expertise.

It was in the last town, with food supplies running low that he found it necessary to engage himself with the local townsfolk, if only the shopkeeper. She had been a particularly talkative woman and had initiated the conversation, drifting off from topic to topic at a whim. It was immediately obvious that she was a fantastic storyteller as she became impassioned about whatever topic she had been on. One in particular was of notable interest to Sasarai.

"_You know, I keep bugging my kids that they need to start settling down so I can see grandkids before I keel over." she had explained after Sasarai was told that she had four grown children. It made sense considering that she looked well into her years and the wrinkles were setting in and there were streaks of silver through her black hair. "They all seem to want to see the world though."_

"_Kinda like what I'm doing now I suppose..." Sasarai noted._

_Shaking her head, the shopkeep disagreed, "You're young. What, seventeen, twenty at most? I was telling them to be crazy at that age while they can get away with it."_

_She paused for a moment, "you won't understand it just yet but you can see the world all you want and it doesn't mean anything if you don't have anything to pass it on to. You need to pass on everything you know to another generation so they can be a little less stupid with how they do things. And they learn and do something else and teach their kids about their mistakes."_

_Sasarai stared for a moment, puzzled at the comment before letting himself chuckle. "Well that is an interesting view on things. I've never heard it put that way before."_

"_Well, I'm sure your parents have told you about things from when they were young like you..."_

_He didn't know how the topic came up, or why he was even going to attempt to respond. "Uh... I never did have parents or anything. Maybe that's why I'm so messed up."_

_Smirking the woman countered, "I've seen a lot worse than you. If you really want a sight just go to the tavern and see the men dance around drunk all night. One day you'll have your own family and you can make up for it."_

_A family; one of those things that were absolutely out of reach. Perhaps under a different set of circumstances it would have been a pleasant thing to look forward to. The idea of a wife and children was never lost on him, but it had for so long been passed to the back of his mind. There little point in fantasizing a dream that would never come true. _

_That still didn't entirely quell his curiosity, "are kids really as great as people say?"_

"_Don't get me wrong... they're a handful," she explained, "but it's a blessing. There's no better way of describing it. And grandkids are even better because you can spoil them to no end and then send them back to their parents. I wouldn't change it for the world."_

_Smiling sadly, Sasarai tried to hide the tug at his heart. He didn't know why he was opening up to a complete stranger. He didn't even know her name. Yet it was comfortable. She spoke with an honesty that was lost back home. To her he was not one of the most powerful men in Harmonia but rather just some teenager who was attempting to find his place in the world. There was no need for proper addresses and formal speech. For the first time in awhile that burden he had felt was lifted._

The conversation had gone on for quite some time, until the sun was setting and the shop closed. A few customers had come in to interrupt briefly, but as time went on he did speak more, saying some things about himself without giving away too much as to give away his identity. There was a degree of temptation to stay in that small village for awhile, but they lacked a proper inn and thus it was hardly an option. He also knew that if he dared to settle down somewhere and enjoyed it too much he would not be able to bring himself to return when the time came.

Realizing that he had been lost in his thoughts for quite some time, Sasarai glanced over the fire, feeling the heat slightly scorch his face as he inspected his dinner before he sat back down. Reaching into his back pocket, he looked at the map he had. The Northern Outlands had many small villages that were not documented on any major map and so he had learned to keep track of his general direction to avoid getting more lost. He had been traveling south for the past two days, and he could only assume that he was most likely approaching the boundaries of the grasslands. Not in any rush or heading for any specific destination, he decided things would play out as it may. However, considering the fact that he had no idea of where he was currently he was looking forward to eventually finding some form of familiar territory.

It couldn't be too much further until another town. As long as he remained on a road it seemed that they were spaced every so often. He could only hope that it would be at least a small city rather than the small hamlets the past several had been. The small size of most cities compared to Crystal Valley never ceased to amaze the bishop. It had taken a day to simply reach the outskirts of the massive city while nearly everywhere else was traveled by foot in a matter of minutes. Several of the tiniest of villages consisted of little more than a dirt row lined with several houses, a general store and nothing but fields for as far as he could see.

For the first time he was fully understanding and respecting exactly what Nash went through every time he had been sent as a spy to investigate something. He'd have to be a bit more lenient as he had never realized what being on the road alone was like, particularly when not traveling along any major roadways.

Watching the steam rise from the pot, Sasarai wrapped a used sack around his hand to pull it away from the fire. Quickly settling it in the dirt next to him, he waited and reached to his side where he left the small bowl he had bought on his way out of town. That shop had been run by a second class family and they immediately knew everything that would be needed for a long trip. It was a fortunate thing because he would have never thought to purchase most of the small basic items that he carried with him.

The wind helped cool the stew quickly and so Sasarai ate in silence, staring at the night sky above him. Already he was falling into a new routine of traveling without end, eating and sleeping only to repeat it all at the end. It was quite calm in comparison to the stressful job he held, but it seemed as though his alternative had become tedium. Every day was very much the same as the one before, with the two possible outcomes being either finding a town with a bed to sleep in or making ends meet at the small camps and hoping to not attract bandits.

If only he was not under the obligation to return at some point. He'd been given little restriction on the length of his vacation, but he knew that he was going to return. No matter how bad things seemed, there were still responsibilities he held. Running away would simply perpetuate the problems in Harmonia.

Slurping the last of the broth in his meal, Sasarai decided to stop thinking about such matters and spent the rest of the time before he trailed off to sleep looking at the stars, which were so bright without the lights to brighten the sky all night long. And unlike when he had was on a mission, it wasn't disturbed by the sounds of soldiers in their armor or the sounds of protest by civilians uprooted in the conflict. This is what peace was like...

The next morning was a bit chilly, and the air was damp as though it was about to rain. Packing the materials into the cart, Sasarai harnessed the horse to it and decided to ride on quickly, with hope of finding some sort of shelter before the storm that was bound to come at any time. Years of Harmonian winters had made him quite indifferent to the cold temperatures but he was not fond of cold rains. If he hurried along perhaps he could be fortunate enough to not be drenched.

Luck was on his side as after an hour of riding and the slightest drizzle of rain began to fall, a small village could be seen. Riding his horse in, he realized that it was another very small village, with a handful of homes lining a handful of roads that was merely a continuation of the dirt path he traveled on. This was a bit different in that the houses seemed long and skinny and also quite worn. The walls were weather beaten and the wood warped. A burned out house remained with parts of the charred building holding what was left. In the corner of his eye, he could see one bare foot extended from the doorway.

Pulling on the reigns to halt his steed, Sasarai jumped off and approached her. Getting closer, the strong smell of burnt wood became strong and he was able to see more of the child in question. It was a small girl, no more than three or four years old. She huddled on the ground, her clothing dusted in ash. Noticing the building looked entirely unsafe he called out to the girl, "Hey, you probably shouldn't be out here."

"Mommy..." the girl whispered, not moving from her spot.

Not sure what to do, Sasarai was forced to remember how his caretakers had dealt with him as a child. "Where is she? She's probably worried if you're out here by yourself."

Looking at the adult in front of her, she shook her head, "she isn't here. She didn't get out."

It took awhile before it dawned on him what had happened. He was tempted to ask about her father but he figured if she had one she would have gone home with him and wouldn't be sitting in a burnt building. Figuring that someone in the village had to know her, he decided to coax her out, "Okay, well, why don't you come out of here and come with me for awhile, okay?"

For a moment uncertainty shone in her eyes. For a moment he wondered if she was going to follow until she wordlessly stood up, not bothering to brush the ash from her tattered skirt. Slowly the walked back toward his horse and cart, him leading it by hand as they slowly walked through the town. Noticing her shiver as a gust of wind blew against her, he wordlessly removed the rain cloak he had been wearing and draped it over her, the bottom half dragging against the road like a cape. He would have to clean it after this if he hoped to make use of it again.

It was almost eerie how quiet this village was. Nobody could be seen on the narrow dirt road. Even in a small village there was typically a few people passing between homes or shops. Perhaps the weather was partially to blame but it did not seem right. Toward the end of a street of the identical buildings, one seemed to have dim light from the windows, and a sign next to the door indicated that it was an inn. Deciding that it was the best option for both himself and the girl, he led the horse to a small patch of grass and headed inside.

Several people were hunched over the counter of a tavern bar, nursing drinks with a few other people quietly sitting at a couple of tables doing the same. Obviously this place served more than one purpose in such a small town. Noticing the barkeep giving an old gentleman a beer, Sasarai called out to him. "Uh, excuse me, sir?"

"Heh, you must be really lost to be traveling through here. Lookin' for a room?"

Nodding, Sasarai replied, "yes, although I noticed this girl," he said pointing at her as she silently stood beside him, "was sitting inside of a building that burned down. I was wondering if anybody knew her or what to do..."

He had to look down to see the small girl and his face immediately turned into a scowl, "Take 'er outta here. Don't need no bad luck."

Baffled, Sasarai looked at her before asking, "what do you mean? She's just a child."

"All you need to do is look at her. Has one of those runes on her. Born with it and can't move it even afta' takin' 'er to some hocus pocus rune master or sumthin'. Then her mom just left 'er. Alice was stupid enough to take the brat in and well... that explains the wreck that place was in."

Appalled, he dropped to his knees and gently brushed the dirty strawberry blond hair from her face so he could see her forehead. At first she flinched away from him, her hand reaching toward it in an attempt to cover what she obviously saw as a shameful object. It wasn't until he reassured her that he was allowed to inspect it, "Don't worry, I am just going to look. It won't hurt." looking he could see that she did have a rune embedded in her. It was an incredibly rare occasion and Harmonia often sought out such children. "Ah, so it is true. It's pretty rare to see..."

"If you're going to take that monster then just leave. Nobody will miss that little witch."

"But... she couldn't have been a factor in that house. Her rune isn't fire based at all. Magic is based on the rune elements you know." Sasarai explained. It was easy to misunderstand runes and their natures in small villages. There were areas where magic of all sorts was frowned upon, often because of a bad experience in the distant past. Even in a place like harmonia where the rune was the focus of the culture there were some who were suspicious.

"_Doesn't that boy look a bit out of place here? He can't certainly be a first-class citizen."_

"_Born with a true rune I was told. The temple elders want him educated to go into the priesthood."_

"_But someone like that? He could be some barbarian child for all we know and destroy everything. You never know what someone like that could do."_

"She's a little witch."

Approaching the bar, Sasarai took out something from his pocket and quickly slammed it down on the counter. "One room. She will stay the night here with me and we will both be gone by morning."

"I ain't about to let no trouble in here. No clue why you're sticking yer neck out like this. Guess you don't know better. No use 'xplainin to a kid. Jus gonna get yerself killed like that poor woman did. But nobody 'bout to complain if she's gone tomorrow."

Sasarai looked sadly at the girl, smiling gently before his eyes took a sharp glance at the innkeeper. He proceeded to the counter, slamming his fist on the wood before responding, "why?"

Not waiting for a response, he called to the girl as he started for the exit. "Come on, we'll set out for somewhere else, okay?" Obligingly the girl followed.

A mere minutes after leaving the town, the drizzle decided to turn into a downpour and the sky turned incredibly dark. Only having a single rain cloak, Sasarai held his small companion close to his body as they rode, having wrapped them both the best that could be done. He was certainly going to need to wash everything once he found a river or a more inviting village. He could only hope that it was not much further as he was going to need to restock provisions soon as well.

The girl didn't say anything for about an hour before she finally turned up to the young man who had taken her from her home and asked, "where are we going?"

This provoked some thought. While he truly didn't have much in mid for a destination, he couldn't continue like this for much longer with a child. He still wasn't sure why he had taken her along in the first place considering that he could hardly take care of himself and had little experience with children. Even if she was away from the calls of being a witch, there were other things to consider. Bringing her back to Harmonia would be too dangerous as her rune made her something that would be confiscated for studies.

He had to find someone he could trust to take good care of her. Of course that meant finding his way to some reasonably familiar territory. In the middle of nowhere in the Northern Outlands was not going to offer very many options. There were few cities that peppered the region and most towns were much like the one he had just left, with little more than a tavern, a few homes and at best a general item shop. It was the stark contrast to Harmonia which had an extensive network to link villages and to promote the growth of each through the various trade routes through the huge nation. In comparison, what he had seen was almost entirely backwards.

Having not received a response, the girl asked the question again, her hand reaching upward through the cloak and tugging slightly at the base of the hood. This got Sasarai to take notice before he simply said, "We're heading south... I'm not sure where yet."

"I'm hungry."

Sighing, Sasarai responded, "we will stop soon, once the rain stops." He could only hope that she would be patient. The road was quickly turning to a muddy mess and the longer they stayed the worse it would get.

The next three hours were spent in near silence, with the horse nearly stumbling several times and the girl starting to shiver from the cold winds that were picking up. The rain was letting up, but it was hardly a relief as nearly everything was soaked.

Eventually the road had turned to mud and the horse struggled to pull a cart whose wheels were sinking ever further into the muck. Deciding to stop for the day after nearly sliding off the road entirely, Sasarai realized that a campfire tonight would be useless. There would be no dry timber for it and the rain continued to drizzle slightly. Dinner would have to be something that could be eaten by itself. Rummaging through the cart, he procured some slightly moist but otherwise unharmed dried meat, tearing off a small portion and handing it to the girl. "Here... this will have to do for now."

It was with shaky hands that the meal was accepted, the wet outfit she wore clinging to her uncomfortably. Noticing this, Sasarai ventured into a watertight bag and inspected the cloth items he stored in there. Thankfully it had worked and everything in there had remained dry through the storm. There was nothing he had that would remotely fit her, but he assumed he could improvise a bit until they got into a city of some sort.

"Come here," he said, gently lifting the soaked and dirty outfit from her body and pulling his own shirt over her. It hung oddly at her shoulders and the shirt itself came to about her ankles. It looked strange but it would prove more useful than the tattered, dirty and wet items she currently wore. "Well, it certainly isn't the best fit, it will just have to do until I can get you to a city."

Reaching back into his sack, Sasarai brought out a thick blanket as the rain had all but stopped at this point. It was designed to be warm enough for just about any climate so he figured it would certainly make do for tonight. Finding a tree to lean against, he pulled the small girl against him and draped the heavy cloth over the both of them. He wasn't particularly cold, mostly trying to shelter himself from the wind while he dried off, but the early spring air seemed to affect her far worse. "Just stay under there for the time being. It should be warm enough for tonight.

"Your name?" came the muffled voice from below him.

Now that he realized it he hadn't so much as gotten the name of the child before whisking her away from her home village. Of course he hadn't been expecting picking up a companion on this trip much less one of her age. "Ah, I suppose I haven't given it yet... My name is Sasarai."

"That's a funny name."

This caused a bit of a chuckle to come from the man as it was quite true. There was no known origin to the name nor real reason, just a group of syllables that must have rolled off someone's tongue when he was young. Little thought usually went into the matter, but the blunt comment was a bit of a reminder. "You're right. Although what's yours?"

Rustling could be felt in his lap before part of the girl's head was exposed over the top of the blanket. "Reira."

Trying to make himself comfortable while leaning against the tree and with Reira squirming in his lap, Sasarai slowly adjusted his body until he was at least of bearable comfort level. He had been looking forward to not having to spend a night sleeping on the ground in such weather, being one of the few things he took for granted back at home. Thoughts broken by a leg coming dangerously close to a sensitive area, Sasarai yelped, "okay, I need you to keep still."

The tone was a bit harsher than intended and had gotten a reaction before he softened a bit. He had been the same way when he was her age and remembered disliking the lectures that resulted. "Sorry," he explained, "I didn't mean to snap. Just be a bit careful okay? Are you warm now?" She had stopped shaking, which was a good indicator, but was not sure how to tell beyond that.

Nodding, the girl replied, "It's really warm. Thank you..."

"Why don't you just get a bit of rest? It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"You're going to take care of me?"

Looking at her he was reminded back to the kind old shopkeep. Perhaps her words were more like a premonition than just musings. He didn't know anything of what to do, but the moment he had taken her away from that place she had become his latest responsibility. Perhaps it was her similarity to how own situation and his understanding of being an outcast but he wanted her to be safe. "Don't worry. I'll take care of you the best I can."


	4. Finding Salvation

_Disclaimer: Same as previous chapters and I don't really have any witty remarks to make to state it._

_God I feel like a wordy fantasy writer taking a few chapters to even get the story moving... after this one things should pick up in pace... god I hate having no quick way of setting up a plot catalyst. It is quite annoying and one of the things I most dislike about my writing. Oh, shall I warn now that this is a long ass chapter? _

**Finding Salvation**

"I like that one" Reira said, pointing to a small green dress that was currently modeled on a mannequin in the boutique they had stumbled on. She had been instructed to purchase some new attire to replace the ratty dress she wore. Exhausted from a day of shopping for some of the day to day needs as well as things that having an extra person brought, Sasarai could do little better than nod. It had been several days before the pair had reached a city, near the boundary with the Grasslands.

Eyes darting around, it took no time before Reira had found a rather elegant looking, but practical outfit consisting of a pair of dark blue pants, a blouse and an embroidered overcoat. "Ooo, can I get this one too?"

Sasarai smiled and nodded. He was grateful that he had brought far more money than he needed, not having much of a clue as to what things cost. And he had to admit that not only did it look adorable, bringing out her bright red hair. It would also be useful for when the weather turns fickle as it had the past several days. "Go ahead and try it on. Although this should be the last one. I don't think I am going to remain on my feet much longer after all the traveling we did."

By the time fitting had been completed, the new clothing paid for and the local inn was reached, the sun had already gone down and the pair seemed equally exhausted as Sasarai led his horse through the street along with the cart. Reira strolled happily beside him, carrying a couple boxes of her new clothing as she had insisted.

With a hotel room paid for and the horse left to rest at the stable, Sasarai and Reira made their way to their room, ignoring the sounds of the drinking celebration happening at the tavern below. "Well, looks like we have a decent bed tonight. It has been far too long."

"You always complain when you sleep on the ground." Reira commented, giggling slightly.

Shooting her a look Sasarai explained, "it is never a pleasant feeling to have the choice of sleeping upright against a tree or with my hair in the mud," he stated.

As Sasarai sat down to start untying his boots and settling down for the evening, Reira sat on the bed next to him. "Where are we going anyway? Are we going to your home?" The comment caused Sasarai to halt all movement momentarily as he thought. It was one thing for him to gallivant across the countryside when alone, but considering that he now had a child tagging along it was probably time to figure out some destination. It was not safe for her to be out in the wilderness day in and day out. He wasn't ready to go home, nor did he feel it would be safe to bring her there, knowing the reaction that would occur should anybody find out about her rune. He needed to find a safe place for her and a good family, yet that meant he had to make sure that she was able to learn how to control her magic.

"Home's a long way from here," Sasarai explained, "and I kinda needed to get away for awhile."

Confused, Reira thought for a moment before replying, "did you do something bad? Is that why you don't go back?"

Sasarai stiffened and nearly choked on his own saliva when he heard the response. That was certainly not the impression he had intended to make. "No, no. It's nothing like that. More like personal reasons."

"Did you run away from home? " Reira asked.

The idea of running away from home caused Sasarai to give a nervous laugh. It wasn't entirely untrue although not in the traditional sense. Of course it made sense considering that he did appear to be a teenager and they certainly were prone to setting off on their own regardless of the opinion of their families. She was not the first person to have asked him the exact same thing. Of course he probably needed to tell her something if he was going to avoid the awkward questions.

"I didn't really run away from home. It's just a long story," he explained.

The rest of the night was spent explaining, in the simplest terms Sasarai knew about the situation. He wasn't sure just how much the girl actually understood and frequently at a loss for words on how to explain certain topics. She didn't understand the rune and the immortality and had only vaguely heard of Harmonia as a country and knew nothing of its history. At first she could not believe that he was one of the most powerful people in the largest nation on the planet. It went on well into the night until Reira started drifting off, well past the point of exhaustion.

Pulling a blanket over her, Sasarai stared for several minutes. In such a short time he had already built a bond it seemed. It was different than that he felt for anybody before. He had friends and had held crushes from time to time. He wondered if that was how one felt for family. For as long as he had imagined a family, he had never known exactly how he was supposed to feel. It had been nearly a decade since he had given up on such a dream and resigned himself to the life set out before him of being alone. When he had left Crystal Valley, he had hoped to find a solution to his inner demons. The last place he had expected to find that was in a dusty old town clear across the continent.

Never before had he been so grateful for getting lost.

"Bu... Bude...de...Boodehuk?" Reira asked, her tongue struggling to pronounce the strange name of their destination.

Turning his head away from the road and to the small cart, Sasarai explained, "Budehuc Castle. It's a small place between Zexen and the Grasslands. I know the people there from the last mission I was sent on. I never did get around to properly thanking them afterward."

"Can we stay there for awhile then?" Reira asked, "I'm tired of being in this cart. Hopefully there will be some better food too."

The topic of food had become much more prevalent in the last several days. The fact was that for Sasarai, whatever he cooked being edible was a success. He had become accustomed to it, yet every evening she would scrunch her nose in distaste.

"Don't complain about my cooking. We don't have any better options," Sasarai mentioned slightly curtly, a bit embarrassed at his complete lack of skill in the matter. He had been educated in politics, war strategy, literature from multiple cultures and in several languages, yet something that nearly any commoner could manage perplexed him. It was something he hated admitting simply because he had too much pride.

Sighing Reira remained quiet. Instead she made herself as comfortable as possible on the wooden cart on a bumpy dirt road.

"Halt, who goes there?" came a familiar voice as Sasarai approached the outer walls to Budehuc. The little knight girl was often heard well before she could be seen. Eventually the tip of her spear could be seen and finally the girl herself, still wearing the mismatched and ill fitting armor she bore during the last war.

Hopping down from the horse, Sasarai continued the rest of the way on foot, "still guarding even in peace Cecile?"

It took a moment for Cecile to recognize the bishop without his uniform. Once it struck her, she quickly bowed, her helmet nearly sliding off of her head. "Bishop Sasarai! I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. I didn;t mean to be rude."

"It's quite alright," Sasarai explained, placing a hand on her shoulder, "I am not here on any particular business. There is no need for formalities."

A male voice could be heard in the distance, "Cecile! How are we supposed to get visitors here if you greet people like that?" A smallish, brunette boy said as he jogged his way toward the castle entrance.

As Thomas struggled for breath as he reached Cecile, she explained to him, "Lord Thomas, Bishop Sasarai just arrived."

Taking another moment to catch his breath, Thomas finally greeted his visitor, "it's nice to see you again. I'm sorry about Cecile."

Waving his hands, Sasarai replied, "No, it is understandable. The temple guards back in Crystal Valley are exactly the same. She's just cautious."

"Who are these people?" Reira asked, her head popping out from the top of the cart. "Are we at that place yet?"

It took Cecile but a second to make her way over toward the girl and cooing, "she's so CUTE!"

Shaking his head, Sasarai half wanted to scold the young girl for her lack of manners. Of course, he had to remind himself of what he had been like at such an age, before strict instructors could emphasize the finer points of introductions. It also was futile as Cecile had already given the girl one of her massive hugs.

While Cecile cuddled Reira, Thomas fidgeted nervously, his right hand going into his pocket and his right on his chest. "What, um, well, what brought you all the way out here?"

"Huh?"

"Don't get me wrong you're welcome here, but..." Thomas stammered, trying to politely inquire as to why a person like him would suddenly show up alone. People of high rank seldom did so until there were motives of some sort.

Shaking his head Sasarai clapped his hand on the young man's shoulder and said, "I understand what you mean. I assure you that there's no ulterior motive... well at least not pertaining to Harmonian affairs."

Thomas visibly relaxed at that comment. He had enough on his plate as it was. The recent war had brought Budehuc out of its plight, but considering that most of those people had returned to their homes rather than settled for the long term, he was constantly attempting to get businesses to open shop and keep them at the castle. He couldn't imagine handling any major diplomatic details until his own affairs were settled.

"I'm sorry if I am intruding too badly..."

Shaking his head Thomas replied, "no, it's fine. We have rooms and everything. Don't mind me, I've just not been sleeping well and there's so much to take care of."

Giving a slight tug on the horse's reign, Sasarai said, "well, I guess the two of us will get settled for now and we can speak later."

The castle was as drafty as it had ever been. It was obvious that some of the large cracks and holes in the walls had been patched to some extent, yet the night breeze still managed to get through just enough to bring a chill to the room. Unable to sleep Sasarai wandered the room he was inhabiting, a guest room on the second floor of the castle, laying in bed wide awake.

The castle was quiet in comparison to when the war occurred when much of the grasslands had used the castle as a refugee camp and a point of military operations. There were no lizard cries nor the clank of armor after Cecile went to sleep. Glancing out the window a few lamps could be seen still lit but the area was dark.

Bored with the idea of laying in bed and waiting for sleep to come, Sasarai quietly crept out of the room and wandered the hallways. The only sound there came from the light snoring of one of the castle's dogs.

Making his way toward the small library, he looked around for the strange man who seemed to frequent the spot. Seeing nobody he picked a random shelf and went gazed over the books, and fingered an old weathered book, nearly fallen off of its binding. It had been far too long since he had the time or means to read out of enjoyment. Choosing one with a title he had never heard of and from an unknown country, Sasarai seated himself in an old chair, creaking as his weight settled into it and simply read.

It was some time later that the groan of the library door opening brought Sasarai's attention from the book. Unable to see the entrance from where he sat he simply asked, "who is it?"

"Oh, sorry." came the timid voice, "I didn't think anybody would be here so late. If I'm disturbing anything I can leave."

Setting the book from his lap onto a nearby table, Sasarai stood and went to greet the boy, "I'm not doing anything important. It's just insomnia."

"Well, I guess that makes two of us."

The two took a seat at a different table, one near one of the windows overlooking the land at the boundaries of Budehuc and the barren lands beyond. Neither spoke for quite some time, their attention focused on the view. After quite some time Thomas spoke up, "you never did say who that little girl was you came with."

Sasarai sighed, "it's a long story. I am more or less on a leave from the temple for the sake of my sanity. Just started going to random places and came across her in a town. Nobody wanted her because she was born with a rune."

"A lot of people don't like them in the Northern Outlands," Thomas explained, drawing on his own childhood being raised in that area, "many peopple are superstitious about them. I guess I kinda believed in some of it until I came here."

Folding his arms on the table, Sasarai smiled, "amusing considering in Harmonia it is quite the opposite."

Thomas gave a small laugh at that and turned back to the original topic, "I guess it's good for her, although I never did see you as the type to be a father," he stammered, blushing immediately when he realized how rude it must have sounded, "but... I, I don't know you that well, so..."

"No you're right. I have no clue what I am doing. It's been a chore just taking care of myself. I don't even know why I did what I did. I just feel the need to protect her. There's enough evils in the world, myself included..."

Eyes set on the table, Sasarai focused on Thomas's hand. The boy had been deliberately hiding it up until now and he had been starting to draw suspicions. "So, I see you picked up a rune yourself since I last saw you."

Thomas's eyes widened in fear, and his left hand went to protectively shield his right. He had been careless. "Ah... well, you see... I don't know how it happened. It just showed up soon after the battle with Luc.'

'I'm sorry if I was deceiving you in any way, but I just don't want people to know. I don't want another war to start after that."

"You're worried about Harmonia coming after you for it. That's why you were so nervous about me showing up earlier." Sasarai said.

Sighing, Thomas bowed his head, "a bit. If someone invaded I don't think I could use it to defend us. Even if I could it would cause too many people to get hurt and die. I can't imagine that."

"I understand fully," Sasarai replied, now resting his forehead on his clasped hands in concentration. He had not been expecting such a situation to arise. He had never imagined that a true rune would choose someone as timid as this boy to wield it. "I can tell you that I don't have any intention of ever going after you for that rune."

"Huh, but before..."

"I never did properly thank you or Cecile for saving my life. If not for the two of you, my brother probably would have killed me. The very least I can do is to do everything to protect your interests. Besides, Harmonia has its own troubles to worry about beyond hunting down the runes."

Pausing for a moment, Sasarai decided to add, "but it will be in your best interests to try and hide it as much as possible. The fact is I am but one person amongst a much larger clergy. Don't let them know you have it. If they decide to go after it I may not be able to prevent it. And trust me that people do notice when you don't age at all for twenty years or so."

Thomas nodded, "how do you deal with it?" he asked.

Confused, Sasarai replied, "well, I don't really hide it at all. People know I have the rune, but I still have occasional assassination attempts..."

"Not that. I mean how do you deal with having the rune?" Thomas explained, "it keeps giving me these dreams. They're so real. Eventually I wake up and I just shake. I'm only sleeping when I get too exhausted to do anything. Everyone's worried, especially Cecile since she doesn't know the reason."

Just like his brother. That was the first thought that Sasarai formed upon hearing of horrible dreams and a rune that seemed bent on displaying destruction before everything else. Those who craved power never took into account the huge curse that the runes appeared to bring to its bearers. He considered himself fairly fortunate in that compared to most, his own rune was relatively dormant in its effect on its bearer.

"Each rune is quite different. For instance there is a rune that travels from host to host and the rune gradually drains its life. Falena has a rune that is virtually impossible to bear considering that it drives the person mad. A subordinate of mine is, shall I say rather close with the vampire bearer of the blue moon rune.'

'I am fairly lucky in that mine only occasionally gives visions as yours does and more often than not it gives its point of view of the past. Usually it isn't anything unpleasant now that I am old enough to understand what it is, although it was strange when I was still a boy. I see old battles and conflicts and all the places the rune had been to. It is actually rather interesting to see, considering that books change events around given enough time. Only occasionally does it show an empty world as a possible future. Of course as I get older it is less frequent."

Even though the answer was less than satisfying, Thomas attempted to smile. He was never one to fault others if they made an effort. However, he still felt as though he was in a futile situation, "so basically I'm stuck."

Sasarai closed his eyes in concentration, "have you learned how to use it yet? Mastering it might help your situation. Reira has to be taught how to control her rune already. Even though the elements are opposites, it wouldn't be too difficult to manage."

"No, I couldn't ask that!" came the protest.

"It's for everyone's best interests," Sasarai countered, "the last thing anybody needs is a true rune that cannot be controlled again. And I don't want you to be driven mad like my brother had been by whatever images your rune chooses to give you."

"Besides," he added, "it has been awhile since I have had an apprentice and it is something I always enjoyed doing when I get the opportunity."

"Reira, I want you to try and hold your shields a little longer. For now just focus on that and ignore the spell coming at you. Don't get scared or else your concentration will break." Sasarai explained, watching intently as she chanted a spell and the rune formed a protective barrier around her body. Satisfied, he instructed her, "okay, I am going to send a water spell at you. Keep the barrier up and it won't hurt you."

Chanting his own spell, he summoned a small ball of water using the flowing rune he kept on his left hand and sent it flying at the young girl. The idea was to raise her defensive abilities with her rune as such spells took the greatest concentration. Of course if she missed, it was little more than a shape formation and she would just get wet.

Keeping her eyes shut, Reira kept chanting, only vaguely hearing the spell being lodged in her direction. The sound of a splash could be heard and Reira opened her eyes to find that this time she had not been hit and that the water had struck the barrier and formed a puddle in the ground about two feet before her. Realizing her accomplishment, Reira jumped in excitement, "I did it this time! I didn't get scared!"

Smiling Sasarai nodded, "that's much better. Although you'll eventually need to learn to keep your eyes open, but for now that is good," he said.

"Can I go see Cecile now?" she asked. The small girl had grown attached to the bubbly guard almost overnight and she trailed along at every opportunity. Of course it never seemed that Cecile minded as every other moment she felt the need to proclaim how cute Reira was.

Satisfied with the progress for today, Sasarai relented, placing a hand on Reira's head, "alright. Just stay out of trouble. And try to be back by dark. Tell Cecile that." He was being lenient, almost too much perhaps. Of course he didn't know how to be firm in such a setting. When commanding troops even, he was considered the most laid back general to be placed with. As long as there was no harm, it seemed hard to rationalize specific orders.

"Bye, Daddy"

The first time she had used that term for him he had been absolutely shocked to the point where he had dropped the teacup he had been drinking out of. It still seemed strange to hear that term used to address him. He was used to the highest levels of formalities from those in his mother nation and every explicative muttered amongst those who loathed Harmonia and thus him. Being a father though, was never something he considered. Of course that was what he had become from the moment he took her from that unmarked town on a dirt road. The more he heard it however, the more he felt that it was true.

Watching the girl scurry up the steps that lead away from the lake front and to the main plaza, Sasarai settled into the grass and laid back. He questioned how things were in Crystal Valley. The time spent at Budehuc was reaching three weeks now and over three months since he had taken his temporary leave. Had another uprising started in a scattered village? Was the policy with LeBuque being put into effect? Was it even working as he had hoped? There was temptation to write home, perhaps to Dios and to ask about the affairs he had left behind.

Perhaps he was getting restless. The calm of Budehuc was soothing compared to being on the road endlessly, but it was worlds away from the bustle of Crystal Valley. At least when traveling there was little time to consider being productive as there was at least always another destination ahead. Here there was seldom anything significant to do beyond daily rune lessons and afterward the options were to lounge about outside or to bury himself in an old book. Sasarai hadn't imagined that he would ever tire of peace and quiet.

Perhaps it was his upbringing to be in a position of power or his nature, but there was a need to do something useful. If it weren't for him tutoring Reira and Thomas in magic, the boredom would have gotten to him sooner. It was nearing the time for him to return. There was no longer any real point to running away. Once he was back, he already had an agenda to perform and perhaps make up for his personal selfishness.

However, as selfish as his sudden departure had been, he was grateful in so many ways. Ever since the discovery of his existence as a mere tool, a weapon in human form, there had been questions concerning his purpose. Somewhere in the cutthroat nature of Harmonian politics and warfare, he had forgotten entirely that human nature for the most part was good. Rather than succumbing to individual ambitions it was possible to do things for the greater good and to create his own reason to be. Certainly that could be enough.

When had such a revelation come? Sasarai was uncertain as it didn't come as a singular epiphany but rather built up based on the events over the past few months. Certainly this newfound need to protect Reira influenced things as well as his experiences in the world as another normal human being rather than as virtual royalty. It was such feelings that allowed him to realize just what he was missing. As long as he was able to feel things, it did make him human despite his birth. He'd simply been too wrapped up in himself and his own thoughts to come to this realization.

It had been a long time since he had felt such peace of mind. Only one real issue remained.

The soft sounds of footsteps along the cobbled pathway drew the bishop's attention from his thoughts and caused him to raise his head to look. Thomas was jogging along, his breath coming in rushed pants before he stopped before the man and held his chest as he attempted to catch his breath.

"I'm... sorry... Didn't mean... to... be late," Thomas stammered between gulps for air.

With the sun striking directly in his eyes, Sasarai, put his hand to shield them as he watched the young castle master gasp for air. "It isn't a problem. It's a nice day so waiting doesn't matter."

Thomas gently dropped to the grass and closed his eyes as he took the effort to slow down his breaths. He still was hardly an athlete and he was a bit embarrassed that simply running from the front door of the castle manor to the lake front caused him to react in such a way.

"Are you okay?"

Nodding his head, Thomas replied, having finally caught his breath enough to speak, "I'll be fine. I finally got some sleep though."

"Oh?"

"Cecile more or less made me. I told her about everything last night," Thomas explained, "I thought that she would accept it but she even stayed with me all night. It... It really helped."

There was no stopping the twinge of jealousy that Sasarai felt as he realized the depths of that acceptance. Even if his rune was merciful, he'd had to deal with the nightmares and largely alone. Many clergy found the restrictions in relationships to be the hardest to contend with. It was only recently, as he grew older that he fully realized why it was seen as such. Of course they would only live sixty or seventy years in all likelihood, which meant that the loneliness and lack of companionship would only become more pronounced as he grew older. Seeing how a fourteen year old knight cared for the young castle master was almost painful to see.

Thomas quickly realized the look on the bishop's face and asked, "I didn't say anything wrong did I?"

"No... It just reminds me of something is all. It's not a bad thing to have someone like that."

Nodding a bit, Thomas started to pull himself from the grass, turning toward his older companion, "so, are we still supposed to do the lesson today or are we going to skip it?"

It took several moments before Sasarai came up with an answer, "I suppose missing a day won't be so bad. It's a nice day. Besides I wanted to discuss something with you."

"I'm going back to Harmonia soon. I think I've been able to sort out what I needed to. Besides, I can't really stay here forever."

"That's good although you're welcome to stay here as long as you want."

"Thanks, but I do need to ask you one favor," Sasarai replied, his voice going quiet and solemn.

"What is it?"

This was the last thing that Sasarai wanted to subject on his friend. However, it was quickly becoming the best and only option. If he could get an agreement to this, then he would be able to leave Budehuc without worries. It would at least reduce what was quickly becoming the last trouble to be dealt with.

Sighing, Sasarai explained, "Can you take Reira? I know it is an immense request, but someone has to raise her properly."

Shocked, Thomas sputtered, "b...but, why? She considers you her father!"

This caused Sasarai to give a dark chuckle. That was precisely why he couldn't stay with her. "She deserves better than what I can give her. I'm not good with children or people for that matter. There is no hope of me being able to be a father."

It was at this time that Cecile had arrived, with Reira in tow. The young girl looked as though she was about to burst in tears and the elder girl appeared ready to make use of her spear.

"Why'd you take her if you were just going to get rid of her. She's a person not a cat or something!" Cecile said angrily.

Thomas quickly brought himself to the armored girl and prepared to make the futile attempt of holding her back if she did decide to get physical. "Cecile..." he pleaded.

"No! It's not right," Cecile retorted, "I'm lucky that my dad died and didn't leave me but it still hurts. All of us knows how it feels! Stop being a selfish brat! Don't you care what she thinks about this?"

This caused the bishop to get upset himself, "It is not like I don't want this or an avoiding the responsibility! I get sent places for months on end and it is not like I can bring her along every time. And beyond that I am stuck in my office writing documents all day. I can't protect her if they find out about that rune!"

Cecile lowered her weapon and calmed down at that comment and also the look on Sasarai's face. Never had she seen him look anything but calm.

"If the rest of the clergy found out she was born with that rune they'd lock her up and try and do experiments on her. It is controversial even amongst us but a small majority still accept it. That is why I cannot bring her with me."

Silence.

Finally Reira, who had heard the discussion while attached to Cecile's leg, ran toward Sasarai, causing him to bend down to greet her. "I wanna stay with you. Daddy... I promise I'll be good."

"I'm sorry... I just don't want you to get hurt."

Looking toward Cecile and Thomas Sasarai asked, "you'll take care of her for me right?"

"No... I don't want you to go!"

"We'll do our best, right Cecile?" Thomas said, Cecile nodding as she still looked torn over the entire situation.

Standing upright again, and picking Reira up with him Sasarai tried for force a smile, "Cecile and Thomas will take good care of you. And I will visit as often as I can, okay? It won't be like before."

With Reira crying and with no signs of stopping, Sasarai seemed lost in how to console her. He kept a firm hold on her but was at a loss on finding the words that would comfort her. Instead he thought through everything he had processed earlier in making his decision. In his mind he kept formulating possible outcomes that would keep her safe in Crystal Valley. However, every time it led back to the other bishops and clergy finding out and repercussions that would proceed from there. No option appeared as a safe alternative. Even now he did not know what to say that would have the girl accept that it was for the better even if it was painful.

Attempting to reduce the tension of the moment, Thomas offered, "well... we can discuss this a bit later. Why don't we all eat some lunch?"

The rest of the day passed quickly. The topic was avoided entirely, mostly in fear of upsetting Reira or causing Cecile to get angry again. While she had calmed down, she was certainly unhappy about the entire situation. A part of her understood yet she believed that there should have been a way. To her it simply seemed like giving up.

Reira herself hardly said a word, instead following Sasarai's every move as though waiting for him to flee from her. Her personal understanding of the situation was limited, and all she did know was that the person who had saved her before was going to leave her behind.

It was shortly after the sun had fallen and the sky fell to night that Sasarai finally addressed the girl, "well, I guess it's about time for you to get to bed huh?"

It was not until the little girl with red hair climbed up into the bed that she asked, "did I make you mad?"

"No..." Sasarai answered, sitting next to her as he started to brush out her hair, "you didn't do anything."

A slight tug could be felt as Reira turned her head to face him, "then why are you going away?"

She simply did not understand the situation. No matter what it would seem like he didn't want her. "I have to. It's hard to explain, but... I don't want you to be hurt. It's easier for me to keep you safe here than at home."

"Why?"

"It's a long story. I am going to try to change things... if I can then I'll come back for you."

Reira's face brightened, "really?"

Nodding, Sasarai forced himself to smile, "yeah... I'll move my books out of he study so you can have your room. You can see most of crystal valley from there."

"Is it pretty?"

"I think so. I read by the window quite often so I can look outside." he answered.

"You're always reading really big books."

A light laugh came, "yes. One day you'll be able to read them too."

Reira's nose scrunched in distaste, "uh uh. I wanna be a knight like Cecile!"

"Well, I'm sure she'll teach you when you're older," Sasarai said, "and I think Thomas will do his best."

Reira turned her head back toward the head of the bed so that the brunette could finish brushing her hair. She gave a soft cry every so often when he was too rough in removing the tangles she had accumulated through the day.

Once he was done, she pulled the covers back and crawled onto the bed and waited for her father to pull the covers back over her as he did every night. "I love you, daddy..."

Pausing for a moment, Sasarai let the words settle in before answering, "I love you too..."

"You'll come see me right?"

"As often as I can," same the answer followed by his hand brushing her hair from her face, "but get some sleep okay."

Blowing out the lamp that lit the room, Sasarai made a quick exit, forcing himself to lean on the wall afterward. He hadn't thought that it would be this hard. As much as he wanted to think he was doing the right thing, he had a nagging doubt.

This is what familial love is like.

It appeared as though Thomas was waiting, as he quickly approached, holding a lamp in his left hand as he walked through the narrow corridor. "You looked a bit upset earlier and I wanted to make sure you are okay."

"Am I doing the proper thing?"

"I don't know," Thomas began, "do you think so?"

"I want to believe it is. I've attempted to come up with various options, but there's too much risk. I can protect her far better here by keeping the military away. However, I need to go back... for once I think there's a good reason to try to change things. I thought i had figured out what was wrong with me but..."

"I think you're trying," Thomas interrupted, "that's all anyone can do. I know how you feel since when I first came here and there was hardly anything I always wondered if I was making good decisions. I think it was when everyone started using this place as a base that I started realizing that I have to take risks. Hopefully things will turn out for the best."

This was the talent of the boy who was otherwise unnoticeable in a crowd. It was how he had managed to bring together the militaries from grassland tribes, Zexen and Harmonia all together. It seemed as though that despite his lack of confidence he knew exactly what to say.

Feeling slightly relieved, Sasarai mentioned, "I suppose, although I know it's a burden for you... I never meant to impose like this."

"It's alright... you know... it's not so bad having one extra person. Things aren't quite as busy as during the war, but it is better than before. And Cecile has a soft spot for her," the younger boy replied.

Nodding, Sasarai was grateful that the hallway was darkened at night and that the boy's lamp wasn't bright enough to give away how he must look at the moment. He was supposed to keep a straight face in any situation, yet he was betraying that right now. "I'll support everything she needs... just make sure she's. You'll understand what it is like for her to be subjected to an unwanted rune."

"Don't act like you're not coming back," Thomas said, "as often as you can, just come and see her. It'll be good for both of you."

Taking note of the time, the boy quickly added, "but it's getting late! You're going to want to rest if you want to head out tomorrow. Or else we might be speaking all night."

As Thomas turned to walk away, he heard a soft mumble of words that sounded like, "thank you."

The next morning was long as Sasarai struggled to load his cart with the belongings he was taking. A few items that were broken or otherwise unusable were left behind as well as anything that would be deemed useful for Reira.

It was when he was about finished that Reira emerged, still dressed in her nightgown and barefoot. She ran toward him and hugged his leg tight. "Are you going away now?" she asked.

"Shortly..." Sasarai said, bending down to encompass her into a hug of his own. This truly was goodbye.

Whispering into her ear he made his best attempt at encouraging her, "behave for Thomas and Cecile... and practice your magic. I'll come see you again once I can, I promise."

"No... Daddy..."

"I have to." Sasarai said as he finally released her, a sad glimmer in his green eyes. Cecile had to hold the red-haired girl back as she urgently attempted to maker her way on the cart and follow along. As the signal was given to the horse to pull away, her small arms reached out past Cecile's grip.

Hearing the cries, Sasarai dared not look back, "I'll write a letter soon."

Reira didn't stop struggling until he was well out of sight. Knowing there was nothing that could be done, Thomas and Cecile simply let her cry until the girl could regain her composure. They knew that this was a difficult moment. They would have to take on the task of healing those wounds, but for now, it felt like her world was being torn apart.

Down the path, some distance from Budehuc and with only the rustle of an isolated tree on the grassland plains and the chirping of birds, Sasarai left the tears he had been holding in run down his face. It hurt, but he was not without purpose. He was returning to Crystal Valley with something that had been missing, in that he now had a purpose. The way he was created no longer mattered. Life was more than merely existing.

He remembered when choosing rune specialties that in addition to his Earth magic he had taken water as a secondary despite the urging to use something with more offensive capabilities to counter the fact that his native element was already defensive. He had been only slightly older than Reira at the time and had proudly declared that he wanted to help people instead of hurting them with his spells. He had nearly forgotten that time. He had the potential to help people and to try to make it so that there wasn't a need for him to be sent out in conflict after conflict and wreck havoc. 

It merely meant that he was going to have to gradually break down a system that had been left undisturbed for centuries. Bit by bit.

"Lord Sasarai? You've finally returned?" Dios asked, dropping the documents he was carrying as his commanding general entered the doors of the office.

With a bright smile, Sasarai greeted his friend, bending down to help pick up the dropped items, "so what have I missed over the past several months?"

Shaking his head, Dios answered, "nothing out of the ordinary. The Bishops and priests are miffed at the entire LeBuque ordeal despite the fact that it is working?"

"Oh?"

"You know better than anyone else how reluctant people are to change," Dios muttered.

Taking the documents he had collected, Sasarai unceremoniously dumped them directly on the uncharacteristically tidy desk, causing Dios to blanch slightly. He took no time at all in making a mess.

Shifting through several of the papers and trying to browse through a few documents, Sasarai muttered, "as long as it is working..."

"Ah... yes..." Dios stammered, "should I alert the temple to your return? And should I send a barber out to take care of your hair?"

Sasarai's hand went to his hair. He had not cut it since leaving Crystal Valley and had been neglecting it since the end of the Second Fire Bringer's War. It reached a bit past the shoulder, longer than it had ever gotten before in his life. He considered for a moment before waving his hand, "I wouldn't worry about it. Tell the clergy I have returned and that I have some proposals I wish to discuss once I am briefed on current affairs."

This caused Dios to be both relieved and afraid at the same time. On the one hand his boss appeared more lively than ever, and a distinct change from at the end of the last war in which the bishop was a mere shadow of what he was before. On the other hand, the look on his face was almost mischievous, and knowing the brunette's political stance and how it differed from many of his associates, it was only a matter of time before rumors of death threads would be spread.

"You aren't about to stir up more trouble just yet are you?" the blond man asked, "because if you are I may request a transfer for my own personal safety."

"It's time for some change. Harmonia was established to overturn an oppressive government and to protect the people. We've forgotten that and made too many power grabs."

Sighing, Dios grit his teeth, "so you left for four months and came back a naïve pacifist? Is that it?"

"No..." Sasarai answered, as that was not the full truth. He knew more than anybody that war sometimes was inevitable and that in some cases could be justified, even by both sides. "I do say though, that we need to not forget about the people caught up in political games."

Raising an eyebrow, he waited for a continuation. Political games was something that Sasarai had always excelled at and he seemed to take great joy at times in cornering others into accepting his position. He was beginning to wonder if someone had not come disguised as the bishop and infiltrated the temple. The intentions seemed almost too altruistic...

Seeing the confusion, Sasarai simply said, "I'll explain all the details later, after I've had a bath. Until then let's just say I found some things that are important to me for once. I want to do the right thing for their sakes."

_So after so long another chapter is done... how school drains free time. And yes it is a long chapter and as a friend said enough vocabulary to practice for the GRE exams. It wraps up the first segment of this story as the second segment is going to jump about ten years and have a bit more action as it deals with changes in Harmonia in the midst of major conflicts arising. There will be three or four distinct segments and this first one is most likely the shortest unless I get ridiculously lazy._


End file.
